6 Reasons Why I Can't Date You

Reason Number Two-Your Age

ax2grind — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:46:23 +0000

Enough about Cougars and worrying about how old I am.

Biological Clocks apply to all of us. Let’s talk about your age. If you are not my age or no more than ten years older I cannot date you.

No younger men. You make me feel like your mother. I’m not here to be your mother. I’m assuming you have one. I have to explain who PeeWee Herman is. You say things like, “The war in Iraq? You remember when it started?”
I don’t have Madonna or Demi’s bank account either. I can’t compete with younger women and you should date them.

As for older men, you are okay, just not creepy older. If I could pass for your daughter we are in different places in our lives.

So if you are my age, act it. Please take me to a movie that doesn’t involve elves, wizzards or anything that involves a standing in line for a midnight showing with people in costume when it’s not Halloween and we are not babysitting your nephew.

Have an adult life with some responsibility and sacrifice.

Reason Number 3-You have MAJOR issues

ax2grind — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:29:31 +0000

I know this is alot for one reason but it all kind of fits under you are insane, have a drug problem or are an alchoholic.
I cannot compete with these. Go to treatment, take care of yourself. Get a doctor. I am not a doctor and cannot fix your problem. Not a good time to start a romance.
You are adorable,fun, the life of the party. You are a mess.

You might be famous and a huge celebrity crush…but you’re on crack.

You are charming but are a cult leader and killed thousands of people. You are nuts.

Medium to mild issues are acceptable.

Reason Number 4-You Are Gay

ax2grind — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:47:15 +0000

My best friends are gay. Hell, sometimes people think I’m gay. I have abosolutely no right to tell someone who to love. EXCEPT if we are dating. If we are dating and you don’t like women, I’m not sure this is going to work out. I am not a man. If you love men, date them. I highly reccommend them.

If you are a woman who likes men make sure the guy you are dating likes women. This relationship ended. Do you know why? He’s Gay.

Reason Number 5

ax2grind — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:06:41 +0000

YOU ARE IN JAIL.

Let me be more specific. You are in the slammer, the can, clink, cooler…the joint, the big house OR.. you will be in the pen, you have been in inside, you are aspiring to the penal experience. This is no way to kick off a great romance.

Ok at least I know where you are on a Saturday night, but…yeah. No. You are incarcerated.

So I have standards and this is one of them. I will not date you if you are in, going to, have been, or in the process of going to jail. Sorry.

Reason Number 6

ax2grind — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:52:03 +0000

I’m going backwards. It creates a little more suspense. This always always ends with someone else besides yourself and your lover getting hurt. If there is a third party you should not date him. I WILL NOT DATE YOU IF YOU ARE MARRIED!

Sure…he understands you, he gets you, he has power, he makes you feel smart, he shoots people and doesn’t get caught. I know how this will end though. You end up locked naked in a closet with that stupid book he gave you for Christmas about dragons. Cheap ass.

Oh and yeah, you might think you really understand him but you don’t. His wife knows him. Very well. Why do you think it’s not working between them.

Let’s say you have to be with Married Men..like you can’t help yourself. Just remember, there are tons of them so don’t get yourself tied to one.

If you want a chance at a serious relationship, make sure he’s not seperated, in the process of getting a divorce, married or engaged.

Do not date this guy! He’s got eight kids and a pissed off wife.